Tuesday, September 28, 2010

An update

I woke up this morning and realized that it's been awhile since I posted. I hate it when people say things like that, but I am a pretty regular blogger, and it's unusual for me to not post. It's part of my routine, and part of my weight-loss strategy. Writing on this blog keeps me involved and interested in the weight-loss process, even when things turn south.

I am sticking to my strategy of eating more, but honestly, it scares me. I'm scared that tomorrow I'll see a higher number on the scale. This week I've been working on getting over that fear, controlling it, making it not consume me. I probably chose things that weren't the healthiest (chicken fingers, Butter Chicken, copious amounts of naan bread, movie theatre popcorn) but I did stay within my daily, weekly and activity points allowance. I was feeling in control, feeling good about things, but then last night we went out for dinner with a friend for his birthday. I figured I'd order a salad - everyone has salad! Well, not an Indian buffet. So I ate what I ate and tried not to beat myself up about it.

Whatever the scale shows tomorrow, it shows. I'm planning to stick to this strategy for another week anyway, and then if it doesn't work, try to figure out something else.

There have also been a lot of things I've been trying to blog about, but when I sit down to write, it's hard. I have a list of blog posts to write - a personal history post, a post about a behaviour I've had my entire life that I'm trying so desperately to shake, another emotional post about feelings and food. But it's really hard. A lot of you that read this know me in person, and letting you all in on my secrets makes me nervous. I know you won't judge me unkindly, but judge me you still might. Will I be able to look you in the eye at a cocktail party, knowing that you know the exact number I see on the scale or how old I was when I started hating my body or what I do when no one is around to see? Or am I totally over-reacting, and what you're thinking when we run into each other in Starbucks is, 'hey, haven't seen you in a while, your hair looks different!'?

So I'll end this post with a thank you. Everyone reading right now, whether I have shaken your hand or not, you're out there. I imagine that you're cheering me on. You support me by making me be accountable to myself. It's so easy to give up, but the supportive emails, texts and comments from you keep me going when my personal dedication wavers. The last few weeks have been hard, but I know I'll pull through, and you're a big part of that.


Lauren said...

Plateaus are very frustrating, but I am glad you are seeing a change in your clothes.

I know you have heard it, but eating more will help. For me, I eat my WPs but don't touch my APs for the most part. And that seems to work.

And even though it's hard to do, I'm glad you are focusing on things other than the number at the scale...that is amazing that you are wearing smaller jeans!

Good luck tomorrow!!

Deb said...

Welcome back. I noticed you haven't posted in a while, but I figured I'd wait before hunting you down. ;)

Blogging is a funny thing. Particularly weight loss blogging. There is something very personal about it, and I do seriously consider some of the more touchy subjects before I post.

Some things I've had to consider why I consider them touchy. Such as the numbers. I was giving them far more power then they deserved, and I found it very freeing to just make them numbers again.

In many ways, people that read my blog regularly know me much better then others that have known me my whole life, but don't read my blog. That really is how much of myself I put into it.

Anonymous said...

I also feel like there is so much to say in my blog. I regularly get ideas, but then never have the time to sit and bang out an amazing post about. I have about a thousand drafts started and saved though....maybe it's time we both carve out time. I truly believe that writing can heal.

Otherwise, Be Bold MEG!! Something empowering comes from just putting it all out there. If anything, gain confidence from knowing that you are so self-assured, you don't mind sharing your struggles on your blog. POWER!!!


Anonymous said...

Meg, I found you through WW online and I just want to let you know that you are my inspiration. I do follow your blog because it is realistic. I know when I'm struggling, I know that there is someone else that understands that (that I'm not alone). I've lost around 15 lbs or so, but struggling with the next 5. I can't seem to get past the next 5. But when I come here, I read, I laugh out loud, I smile, I commiserate. Keep at it cause you are helping me keep at it. WE will get there. :O)

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