Wednesday, September 22, 2010

WI # 18 - September 22, 2010

This morning I was very, very close to throwing my scale off our 23rd floor balcony. But technically that's illegal, and I didn't want to hurt anyone, so I just kicked it back under the sink in the bathroom.

I was up .2 lbs today.

No, I didn't expect this. Yes, I had a big fancy dinner on Friday night - but I didn't order steak. I picked a more reasonable entree, points-wise, and it was delicious. I watched what I ate during the week carefully. I didn't overindugle on Sunday night - in fact, I didn't even eat half of my entree. I stopped when I was satisfied, not full - which turned into probably a quarter of my gnocchi.

This is what my week was like, points-wise:

I'm active most days. This, for me, means almost every day - 5 or 6 times a week. I don't go over my points. I choose healthy options first and treats second. And yet, in the last month, I have lost exactly .5lb.

I am frustrated. So, so frustrated. I'm angry. I'm angry at the scale, I'm angry at my body, I'm angry at Weight Watchers. I do not understand why my efforts aren't being rewarded. I can understand when losses are inconsistent, I can understand if I hadn't really been trying and have had lackluster results - but I have been busting my ass. If I put in the work, really honestly put in the work, should I not see results? Is that not how the world works anymore?

Yes, it's important to take measurements and celebrate other successes. The fact that I'm still here, still blogging, still following the plan is a giant success for me. This is the longest I have ever stuck to a diet and exercise plan. I joined a gym. I'm wearing size 14 jeans right now. I am starting to change the way I think about food and treats and exercise and lifestyle. And according to one of my friends, I've won the weight-loss lottery because despite dropping 20 lbs and 7 inches off my waist, my boobs are still the same size.

But honest to god, I am so frustrated that I could cry. This is hard. This is SO hard. And if I can't even see the scale budge a whole pound in four weeks, the motivation to keep going really fades.

I'm not at a healthy weight. I'm still obese according to the BMI scale. I'm still wearing what some stores consider plus-sized clothing. I'm so very angry and I have no one to direct that anger to, because I think right now if I blamed myself I'd dive headfirst into a plate of poutine.

So instead I will go to the stupid gym and take that stupid spin class and eat my stupid salad for lunch and go home and make a stupid grilled chicken and veggies (no added fats!) and get 8 stupid hours of sleep and drink 3 stupid litres of water and still see no stupid change on the stupid scale next week.

Thank you for listening.


RescuingLisa said...

Oh Meg - I wish your weigh in went better. But you know, you're doing the right thing. Keep on truckin'

Maybe mix up your foods a little bit? Every time I go on vacation to my parents house, I eat fish instead of chicken, do different types of workouts and I always seem to lose big during those weeks.

Stick to it Meg because the disappointment that you find on the scale when you are following the plan is much more painful than the disappointment you'll find down the road if you quit now.


Jams said...

If you've lost .5 a pound in the last 4 weeks, it would seem like this is a plateau. Now, this may or may not apply to you... only you will know - in general, a plateau is caused by a loosening up of our efforts.

If you have been still weighing/measuring portions, tracking everything, etc... then it's time for a shake up. Add some intensity (or time) to your workouts. Start tracking at a different time of day (lunch to lunch instead of morning to night) or something of the sort. Do something different.

You can break through this. Stick with it. The alternative is not a good one and it won't lead you to where you want to go.

Keep pushing and keep venting to us. We're listening and cheering you on!

Alice said...

Don't be discouraged Meg. You are still going down and KNOW that you are not alone! I share your pain and am p*#@ed off that I have been working hard and no change too. Think of how far you've come and know that you WILL get through this and make it. Maybe you need to try a new activity or do a week of eating totally different! This week (starting Friday) I plan to NOT eat my standard 5 meals so no egg mc muffin, no turkey sandwich and instead will try oatmeal and soup/salad in place of my same old same old. I'll let you know how it goes.

Just don't feel discouraged. Maybe you need to go to the grocery store and look at 20lbs of butter or potatoes or something to remind yourself of how far you've come. And if you still have them, maybe slip back into your big jeans to see the difference in your waist. You are rocking this and know you will make it! Just keep it up and it will work in time.

Rant done. :)

Deb said...

That sucks. It really does. You know that right now you are in danger of slipping off the program? Make the choice not to let that happen.

You've got a couple choices. You can keep doing what you have been and the scale will eventually start moving, or you can try switching things up.

Try some new foods, eat clean for a week, use more/less of your weekly points, sign up for a 5k race and train for it...

Trust me, I know how frustrated you are. I recently hit 25 pounds lost since January. But, you know what? If I managed to lose 25 pounds every 8 months, I wouldn't have a weight problem for long. Far better then gaining 25 pounds in that time.

The other thing that has helped me to keep with it is to remember that I'm no longer doing it just to lose weight. I run because I love running now. I now actually want to lose weight more because I know it will help my running then because I want to be thin. I enjoy the fact that I am eating healthier food and me and my family will live better lives because of it. Okay, I'm getting corny now.

Having said that, I know you needed that vent. Feel free to vent away.

Meg said...

Thanks, Ladies. You're all wonderful and I really appreciate your kind words!

Lady Rose said...

I would put some super supportive and useful comments in here but you know I've never been the best cheerleader.

So I'll just point out the boobs! Seriously, the boobs are a huge score!!


Anonymous said... that I'm following the Boob commenter:)

All I will say got this...your own it....F the scale...that's right....F the scale.

Meg...when you hit your Goal, promise me you will throw your scale out the window??