Thursday, October 7, 2010

A high, and some lows

So I didn't come back and post photos of my shopping spree goods. Because I didn't spend the whole giftcard. I have $104 left in my spree account that I will be spending tonight after work on some carefully pre-selected items. And I swear, I'll show them off!
Yesterday I felt really good about myself and my priorities and my plan and my progress. Then I got to work this morning, was sucked into a spiral and had to miss the spin class I was very much looking forward to. I am frustrated and stressed out and I totally lack the ability to self-soothe without food.
I was definitely a kid who was soothed and rewarded with food. But don't get me wrong: the fact that I am overweight is no one's fault but my own. My parents comforting me after a bad day with a cookie was their way of showing me love, and I am well aware that food doesn't equal love. I get that. I'm working on not turning to food for comfort - or for something to do when I'm bored, but that's another post. Most of the time I can actually act on my feelings now - be it getting angry and talking it out or leaving a situation to cool my head, or realizing that I'm stressed and I need a break from the monitor to walk around the building, not a cookie.
But today I am ragged. I'm tired, I'm stressed, and I'm frustrated. All I can think of is going to buy some chips to crunch on. Sure, baby carrots are a crunchy substitute, but they won't soothe me.
Neither will chips - at least for any longer than 10 minutes. I know this. But today might be one of those days where I cave in.

Fortunately I have a whole schwack of points at my disposal.


Chicky said...

It's good that you can see all this ahead of time. Remember: this is what we started out to do, stop the cycle of eating our feelings. Your doing good to recognize it.

May I suggest Beer or Wine to spend those points on?

BlossomBelle said...

Yes! Knowing what your struggles are make them easier to fix. And its ok to give into those WP and AP when you have some left over. It happens. It just cant happen all the time. Try the carrots first. A shower always makes me feel better too.