Monday, October 18, 2010

Poor Me

I had a real pity party this weekend.

I have always compared myself to other people. I spent years and years, mostly my teenaged ones, feeling like 'it's not fair' that other people were thinner, or smarter, or had more luck than I did. Frankly, I know this is crap. We all make our own paths with what we're given, no more, no less. There is absolutely NO point in comparing ourselves to other people. It's a giant lose-lose situation.

But knowing that doesn't mean I don't do it sometimes.

I had a teary little fit on Saturday afternoon. Gary was sick, so we spent most of the weekend laying low. We did go for brunch and then browsed around the mall that's a whopping 4 blocks from our apartment, but other than that, we didn't get up to much.

My little 'poor me' party was sparked by a number of things. One, feeling like my weight loss is coming along SO SLOWLY. This weekend a friend of mine told me that she'd lost almost 50 lbs - which is FREAKING AMAZING! (Way to go, CARMEN!) But obviously I compared myself to her. I must not be trying hard enough, I must not be doing the right things, etc, etc, my body hates me and it isn't fair.

Then I tried on some clothes at the mall. This was a mistake. Nothing fit. NOTHING. I felt like a giant, awkward brontosauras.

Then I came home and moped around about the fact that one of my cousins hates me and will probably never speak to me again and that so-and-so makes more money than I ever will and why are all of my relatives so much more attractive than me and...and...and... and POOR OLD ME.

I cried. I told Gary exactly what I was feeling. And I swear to god, his response was perfect. It was just the right amount of indulgence and shame. And I snapped out of it.

So here's some self-talk for today: I'm sure we all feel that way sometimes, but honest to god, Megan, what an immature response. So what if you don't make as much money or the pants at the Gap didn't fit or someone is thinner than you or has shinier hair. Maybe those people WORK HARDER than you do. It's not the universe trying to screw you over. Think about that for awhile. Now go to spin class.

4 comments:

Jams said...

Meg, We've all had those thoughts. I'm glad Gary was able to help you snap out of it!

Keep on keepin' on. I know that the weight loss seems slow... when you do (notice I said when) make it to your goal, you'll be grateful for the time it took.

Taking time gives you the opportunity to change your habits, which makes it easier to stick to it once you're "there."

Lady Rose said...

Damn, I knew my extremely shiny hair had a drawback. It's just the hormones, I promise.

And sorry you had a bad weekend. I think you should look at your before and current pictures more often. You have defintely made slimming progress lady!!

RescuingLisa said...

Pity Parties for one are the worst - but you are right - we all have them.

Sometimes my mom calls me a "Martyr face" because I play the "woe is me" card often.

We have good days and bad days - the important thing is that we stick to putting ourselves first!

Carmen said...

Thanks for the blog props, Meg! And please don't be discouraged. I have OCD...so it is easy for me to stick to something because I obsess. Please do not be envious of my crazy.
Also. I have a tonne more to lose...AND I went on a celebratory shopping spree, found very few things that fit and ended up feeling like I made no progress and clearly gained 50 lbs back in the car on the way to the mall.
Your determination pushes me to work harder and appreciate the success I am so lucky to see. And I certainly do not have the strength or wit to share my experience with the whole freakin' internet like you. And while we're at it...I don't have a fabulous boyfriend who tells me sweet things during my pity parties....I've got a ratty old stuffed rabbit. And to be honest, most of the time, he's kind of an enabler!
So there you have it! Things I am envious of you about! I heart you. Keep your chin up and keep up the great work. You inspire more people with your struggle than you can ever begin to imagine.