Monday, December 6, 2010

Not Starting Over, Starting Fresh

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me, motivation wise. I've gone back to some old habits and behaviours, some of which I'm really not proud of.

Right here is a fine example. Yes, that's poutine and a hot dog scarfed down while reading a health and fitness magazine. You wouldn't believe the number of times I've done exactly that in my lifetime. It's embarassing. But there it is.

I've gone to the gym twice since we got back from our vacation, which I better than not going at all, but still not great. I've eaten pretty much whatever I want, whenever I want. I've tried to be reasonable in the quantity I eat, and stop eating when I'm satisfied, but that doesn't always work for me.

Last Wednesday I was up .6 lbs, to 208.8lbs. Right back to where I stared when I pledged to get under 200lbs by Christmas. Christmas is less than three weeks away, and it's not going to happen.

I'm tired. I'm tired of working out and making better choices and thinking about weight loss all the time. I'm tired of trying new things and not getting results. I'm tired of doing the things that used to work, but don't anymore. I'm feeling quite frustrated - it was really, really hard to get to where I am - just over 20lbs down - and I've still got 40 to go. I know how hard that's going to be, and it's daunting.

I don't want to hate the process of finding a wedding gown. I don't want to be frantic about it and sad about how I look for the rest of my life, never mind on the day I'll be the most photographed in my entire life.

But it's hard. And I feel stuck. And I'm sad and angry at myself, and frustrated and tired.

Today the new Weight Watchers program started, and so it's another uphill process. I have to learn a whole new plan, another new way of eating, and learn to get back into doing more activity.

I'm excited, but timid. I've decided to ease myself back into this - maybe I just went too hard and burned out. I'm going to learn the new plan, take baby steps, and head back to the gym - but you won't see me there every day.

It's a welcome change in plans. I'm excited to start fresh. I'm a little burned out, but I'm not giving up. Not today, not tomorrow, not anytime soon.


SmilingErin said...

*hugs* I feel your pain sista-friend! Don't give up, just keep doing your best! You should be proud of the positive life changes that you have made. My tip: order a wedding dress that laces up the back instead of one with a zipper or buttons - that way you can adjust if your body changes shape a bit. You will be a beautiful bride no matter what :)

Eve said...

Oh I can totally relate! I have been feeling exactly like you - and eating total crap while watching weight loss shows and reading fitness magazines! You will love the new WW plan - I love it - if only I could keep my motivation to keep doing it! Keep going - you can do it! =)

RescuingLisa said...


I have missed you Meg. I too have been a little down in the dumps. I am however going to kill it every day until Christmas - starting today! Let's do this!

Deb said...

I was wondering how you were doing. Glad to see you back, though I'm sorry you're struggling.

It's hard. Sometimes it sucks. But, you're sticking with it. When you come out of this experience on the other side, you will be so much stronger. It may take you longer then you planned to get to the other side, but you will get there, and you're further along then you think.

I totally understand your frustration. I've had months where I sat still. I had really wanted to be at goal for this Christmas. I almost cried when I realized I was going to have to buy a new dress when I still weighed 30-40 pounds more then I wanted to. But, I'm on my way. So are you.

Here's a suggestion in relation to Onderland. You had originally talked about "winter onederland". It's still winter and will be for a long time after Christmas. Why not continue to shoot for your winter onederland, but just revise the time on it? Maybe Valentine's day?

Carmen said...

Remember when we went shopping for a dress for my brother's wedding and I ended with me sitting on the street crying into a box of Bernard Callebaut chocolates? That won't be you. I guarantee it. You have more determination than I could ever possibly muster. I love that you haven't given up even with a big set back like this. I am so proud of you! Keep it up, lady! I know you can do this.

Meg said...

Erin, Eve, Lisa - thanks :)

Deb - that's a great idea. It'll be winter for a long, long time yet!

Carmen - I do remember that. Gown shopping sucks. But you're right, it won't be like that, because we can all do this!