I promise I'll tell you about my first 'real' workout session, but I need to get this out there into the ether.
Today has not been a banner day. Not a bad day, by any means - just an average Tuesday. I'm feeling a little sensitive, maybe, or maybe it's the weather. It's a bit of a blue Tuesday.
Regardless, a few hours ago I got some feedback on a project I'm working on that I perceived as negative and it sent me into a tailspin.
I immediately craved chocolate. Cookies. Pastry. Sweets. Whatever I could get my hands on. NOW.
I sat at my desk and held back tears and made myself think about what I really wanted. Weigh in is tomorrow. I worked really hard at the gym this week. Do I really want one comment to flip me upside down and 'blow' all my progress?
No. I wanted comfort. I wanted something happy, something to get my mind of my troubles for a few minutes.
So I bitterly chomped on the celery and carrots I brought for my afternoon snack. I gathered up the courage to go talk to the person who said the thing that threw me off - and as it turns out, it was not intended to be critical (of course...).
I drank some water and I walked around the office.
But it was hard. Really hard. REALLY FREAKING HARD.
It's so easy for me to comfort myself with food. I've ALWAYS done it! What is wrong with me, that I can't self-soothe? We learn as babies to self-soothe, to put ourselves back to sleep, to calm down.
Why can't I, as a 26 year old woman, calm myself down without reaching for something sweet or salty or inevitably high calorie to shove in my mouth?