Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Wednesday WI - Frustration

I was up .2 lbs this morning. There were some tears of frustration in the shower this morning, I'm going to be honest. There's a lot going on in my life right now - work is crazy, we're trying to purchase our first home, we're getting into wedding planning and I'm still trying to lose weight.

And to add insult to injury, there was no hot water for my shower this morning.

So I stood there, wrapped in a towel, dripping wet and freezing cold, and cried a little.

It just sucks. It sucks. I tracked all week. I said no to so many things to counter my 'splurge' Saturday - which didn't even put me over my points for the week! I worked out like a bandit. I tried new things. I focused on filling foods, fresh veggies and fruit, and higher-protein choices. There's a freaking cake on my kitchen counter that I haven't TOUCHED since Sunday morning! The amount of willpower exhibited alone should have burned enough calories to result in a 15 or 20 pound loss.

But no.

A gain.

So now what, Universe? Should I start skipping meals? Cut out entire food groups? Shake diets? No carbs? Increase my gym attendance from 4 or 5 days a week to 9? What? What do I need to do to lose this damn weight?!

Here are some visuals:

My tracker for the week.




And this is my weight loss progress from the very beginning.



I can't figure out why it stopped. I can't figure out why I'm not losing anymore. I feel like I'm hitting my head against a wall all day long but I can't stop. And inside my head, this runs on a loop:

What's the point? I'm never going to be able to do this. I'm going to be a fat bride. I'm going to die early of a heart attack. I'll never meet my grandchildren. I'm never going to be happy with my weight or my size or my body.


Grrrrrr. Thanks for listening.

6 comments:

Jams said...

Hey Meg...

You get 35 Daily Points per day? Is your tracker set for maintenance, by chance? I'm thinking that your daily target may have set itself to maintenance... which would then cause you to stay the same, which is sort of what you've been doing if you look at the past few months.

You can check that in the settings of the plan manager. Does it say that your goal is set for weight loss?

Just a thought. Shoot me an email anytime, maybe a lending ear can help.

Meg said...

Thanks for the advice - I did check everythng, and I am set to weight loss. PointsPlus gives me more daily points because of my weight, which is good but apparently isn't working well for me.

SmilingErin said...

*hugs*
Don't fret. What would you say to a friend going through the same battle?

You'd say, "chin up! don't worry! Don't give up! You are Beautiful, wonderful, kind and will be a beautiful bride!" You have made increadible progress and it's normal to have plateau periods. Give yourself a break. Have a small piece of the cake and congratulate yourself on your determination this week. You have made exercise a big part of your life and continue to make good food choices. You will succeed.
Just keep swimming.

Alice said...

Hey Meg! Don't beat yourself up. You can do this! My heaviest was 225 and just before I got pregnant again I was down to 148! You don't need to feel bad about crying! I've shed many tears during my journey.

So I have a few things you could try. Pick a few or just one and see if it helps.
- look at your food. See if you are in a rut and eat the same thing all the time. Look for your most common food and cut it out (think daily latte or beer, same lunch sandwich, etc)
- substitute with higher grains
- consider lowering your daily points on the program
- exercise - try something totally different or change how you do it. If you've already run switch to biking or increase your distance or speed. And I don't mean a few minutes. I mean start adding a km or two to each run for 4 or 5 weeks.

Try to completely change it up and see if that helps. Maybe your body is in a weight loss rut and needs a big push to keep going.

Remember you are not alone and keep us posted because we all care!

Carlee said...

Hi Meg,

I've been lurking for a while - love your blog!

I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but - Do you eat any of your activity points+? We talked about activity at a recent meeting and my leader really stressed that this might help when you work out consistantly every week. She said over 24 AP+ per week and I noticed your tracker says 31.

Obviously you know your body best, but it might be worth a shot.

By the way, kudos to you for continuing to work on it with all that's going on in your life. I let it go before my wedding and sure enough, I was a fat bride.

You can do it!

Marianne said...

Looking at your weight chart, your trend is still downwards! Something just changed around October and you've gone on a rollercoaster since.

Some things I see that you could play with:
- you are eating the majority of your points at dinnertime. Could you take a few points off dinner and move them to breakfast, lunch, or a snack? My evening meal is usually 10-15P+
- There is a way to switch to using your Activity Points before your Weekly Points - maybe try that, so your "extras" are all earned by exercise?
- More water, especially the weeks where you eat out! Sodium = retained water = gain.
- What were you eating on the old program vs now? Were you eating a "cleaner" diet then?

This is a frustrating, annoying roadblock, and I am so sorry you are going through it. But here is the positive focus: you have lost TWENTY TWO POUNDS!! And almost 8 inches off your waist, and two whole dress sizes! That is an AMAZING accomplishment and I hope you celebrate it.