The past week has not been a good one for me. I would say that at this point, I don't define a good week as one that shows a loss on the scale - a good week is one where I track what I eat more often than not, one where I go to the gym more often than not, and one where I feel positive about myself, my appearance and the change I've worked so hard for.
No, this week was not a good one. I'd actually say that the last 10 days were actually not very good.
It started with a shopping trip, to pick out bridesmaid's dresses for a wedding I'm in this coming September. Someone I desperately didn't want to see me looking ANYTHING but my absolute best was there and of course, the sample sized gowns didn't fit me. It was mortifying, standing there, being too fat to fit in the dresses, looking like an idiot, in front of the one person I never, ever, ever want to lose my cool in front of.
Added to the experience of the day - which, let me sum this up as neatly as I can: Because of said unique circumstance and the notion that some friendships are stronger than the circumstances that originally defined them, I went dress shopping with a friend and my fiance's ex AND her mother for seven and a half hours - I was a mess. A 'let me drink an entire bottle of wine and eat an entire box of assorted chocolates RIGHT NOW' mess.
Then my future mother-in-law came to visit. Which while it was really nice to see her, the visit was too long. And some feelings occured. And I didn't like them, so I ate them. In the form of cake. And pie. And pasta. And french fries. And more cake.
Throw in a holiday that is celebrated mostly with chocolate, an impending move, waiting for our lawyer to call us to sign away our lives for the next 30 years, and more work stress than I'd care to share in this forum, I'm a mess.
I don't like having feelings. I don't really know how to deal with them.
So I ate them.
Now I'm trying my hardest to make this week a good one. I'm ordering a bridesmaid's dress that flatters, I'm packing my lunches and counting calories, I'm going back to the gym. I've got Zumba tonight, which always makes me feel sassy and confident.
It's the best we can do, right? Try for a good week. Do what we can to make a good week, or a good day, or even a good afternoon happen.
And somehow, maybe, learn to deal with those feelings by talking or journaling or yelling at the ocean or something, instead of mowing down on three bags of chips and a whole lot of margaritas.