Friday, April 29, 2011

Eating in Secret

I used to do this a lot. Even when I was a child, especially when I was a child, I'd sneak food. Hide the evidence that I'd eaten it. Take it outside and hide the wrappers, or hide in my bedroom.

When I became an adult, I'd hide my snacks, my indulgences. I'd do it alone - maybe not hiding from the public, but certainly my friends. I'd go to the food court for a treat, or hit the drive-thru on my way home and eat in the car. And then I'd feel such incredible shame, and guilt, and ultimately - disgust with myself. "This is why you're fat, why don't you get it?" I'd say to myself.

I'm proud that I have stopped doing this. For a full year now, I don't hide food. I don't go out of my way to put myself into situations where I can easily sneak in some fatty, fast-food snack.

But I still hear the little voice in my head telling me to do it. This weekend it was really bad. "Just pop in to the store, buy some candy. No one will know!" and "You've got enough time to go through the drive-thru, the fast food will be tasty and make you feel better..."

I didn't give in. Now, you know that I certainly soothed myself with food, but I didn't hide it.

Are there any other secret eaters out there?


alisonds said...

Well done. I have also been a secret eater. But I think I was hiding it from myself more than anyone else. Stay strong, you have kicked the habit for a year, don't let yourself start going backwards! x

SmilingErin said...

omg. I thought I was passed this, but now that I'm reading it, and I start thinking about it, I realize I still eat in secret. Probably daily. Wow. Thanks for the revelation. I think being honest with my eating, my feelings, or whatever is going on with me will be a big part of recovering from whatever this is. Good luck and thanks for the post Meg.

Jenna said...

Oh my goodness, I have this thought just about every day. This is why keeping a food blog where I take pictures of what I eat is so effective for me. Otherwise when I'm at the grocery store I'd be walking out with a candy bar every. single. time.

I'm glad I"m not the only adult who still does this! It's like there is this part of me trying to say "If no one else knows about this, it won't do any harm." Which is a LIE. I hate that part of me.

Katy said...

I do this too...still. It's shameful and I hate it and it makes me feel gross. But hearing that you are overcoming it, makes me believe it's possible.