The internet is not a very nice place sometimes. And I've been really fortunate to not actually experience this first-hand. I don't have any snarky commentors, and I'm really grateful for that.
I was on a website recently, looking for some shapewear to wear under my wedding gown. Shapewar is awesome. It smoothes out everything and thank god for it. But anyway, I was poking around, looking at photos and reviews, when I came across a "vision board" that someone had made, that was basically a collage of plus sized brides on one side (faces cropped out) and much slimmer brides on the other side. One set was under a heading that read something like "How I probably look now, gross" and the other set had a "motivation!" headline.
You can guess which set of photos went with which headline, right?
It broke my heart. It hurt so much to think that somewhere out there, someone might be looking at photos of me and filing them under a "gross, stop eating or you'll look like this! FAT BRIDE!" file.
But I do it to myself all the time. I have a photo of myself in a bathing suit when I was 20 pounds heavier that I look at sometimes when I'm craving nachos. I think, "gross, don't want to look like that! Ewww." and then feel quite satisifed that I've resisted temptation.
How is that ok? Running through the scenario casting the words I say to myself in the mouth of someone else makes me want to die. The hot shame, the pain, the feeling of choking back tears. I'd never say something like that to someone else.
But I say those things to myself and believe them ALL THE TIME.
I don't know where I'm going with this. We're all beautiful. I couldn't believe that someone would actually say/write those things about gorgeous women on one of the days when they are told to be, and are actively trying to be, their most attractive. It's an important day, a memorable day, a vulnerable day.
But I can't decide if it's more appauling that I might say those things about myself.