I want to lose weight so that shopping for jeans is not such an epic quest.
I recognize that no one likes shopping for jeans. And I'm sure it's not easy for lots of people, but I think being plus-sized makes it nearly impossible.
Yesterday I went to the mall with the intention of buying a pair of sandals (that was easy) and a pair of jeans. I tried on every pair of jeans they had in my size at the following stores:
And that was pretty much every single pair of jeans in the mall available in my size, because they don't have any plus-size retailers. Or a reitmans, where I buy the shameful elasticized-waist comfort jeans that I've been pretending are attractive for a few months now.
I felt like banging my head against a wall. I felt terrible. All I wanted was a pair of medium to dark-wash standard weight denim boot cut jeans. Could I find a pair that fit?
I found one pair. One pair of jeans in the entire mall that fit my requirements and actually fit me.
So I bought the damn things, because obviously that was as good as it was going to get. And they're nice. They're not the most amazing jeans in the world, but they were 40% off, they did not have an elasticized waist, and they seemed quite flattering. They'll do for now, but I am so tired of feeling like there is something wrong with me because I can't buy pants.
I actually had to stop myself in the mall and give myself a pep talk that involved "You are not a bad person because you are having trouble finding pants that fit. You do not need to buy a cinnamon bun to make yourself feel better. It is the pants, they are not kind to you, and you have no reason to be unkind to yourself on top of this horrifying experience."
I am going to lose weight, so that I can buy pants wherever I feel like it, and talk to myself in the dressing room and say things like, "are these the right length?" and "do the pockets hit in a flattering way on my bum?" instead of, "these are the only pants in the mall that I can hike up past my thighs, so they'll have to do."